Friendship and The Book of Joy!

I have read The Book of Joy several times by His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu. One of the facets of the book that struck me is the importance of friendships. From the very moment we moved into our active adult retirement community four and a half years ago, it was clear that it was full of people who wanted to develop friendships. And true joy comes when you not only have friends, but you have a genuine concern for those friends’ wellbeing. I have found that to be true of the friends I have made here.

According to the Dalai Lama, who said this with a giggle, “If you develop a strong sense of concern for the well-being of all sentient beings and in particular, all human beings, this will make you happy in the morning even before coffee.” And that joy will stick with you throughout the day.

Richard Davidson, a researcher from my alma mater, the University of Wisconsin, has done extensive research on the brain and happiness. He learned that there are four distinct circuits in the brain that impact our happiness, but the one that struck me the most focuses on the importance of being generous to others.

In our society, it is easy to think that power, money, and fame will make us happy but according to these two spiritual leaders that is truly short sighted. “One individual, no matter how powerful, how clever, cannot survive without other human beings. So, the best way to fulfill your wishes, to reach your goals, is to help others and to make more friends.” 

Jim and I are  blessed to have many friends.  We have more close meaningful relationships with friends now than we ever did before.  We care about each other.  Listen to each other. Hold each other in our arms and prayers. One particular group of friends I love is my Spiritual Book Group (or as we like to laugh the book group that doesn’t read books.) We listen to podcasts and meditations each week and hold each other in our care. We eat and laugh and drink tea or wine. I don’t’ know what I would do without them. They are my soul friends.

Then there are my Up With People friends, which we fondly call our Forever Friends. They are located throughout the world and we stay in touch mostly through Facebook. They were part of my life during the best most incredible year of my life.

We have friends from past jobs and friends from past churches. We have friends here that we met the first month we arrived and simply clicked despite our differences in politics.

My prayer for you is that you also find your soul friends, your tribe, and that they are especially there for you when facing life challenges.